Forever

I know, it’s been forever.

With so much happening, so many changes, my world spinning and stopping, only to spin again, I am not sure where to begin — how does one transition from then to now in the span of just a few words?

I guess I don’t have to it in only a few, though Goddess knows how long I can go on. First things first, I want to say that the last time I posted here was fairly melodramatic and though I was disconcerted and feeling desperate, it was a phase and has passed (like so many others in the last swift months).

Today I am working, which isn’t really so bad, and it is snowing but the sun has finally come out and the mailman is whistling as he makes his delivery. My hair is in two french braids and I feel secretly elegant, artistic, fantastic.

See, earlier this week, I found the courage to write something (ANYTHING! PLEASE!) and called myself a “word anorexic.” Seriously. I’ve become afraid of writing, afraid of the power of words, of their strength and subtle beauty. So I have written anything since the day I last posted here, and in reality, in even longer. Like maybe since Valentine’s Day.

I know. It’s really, really sad.

I like to think that I’ve been settling into my new life, figuring out how all the pieces fit together: leaving with my partner, having a five-year-old part-time, starting a new job and learning all that is involved, thinking about saving for a house and expanding our family …

When in reality, I’m just a chicken-shit. No offense to chickens.

So I’ve vowed to make a change. After watching Jessie’s progress, I’ve decided to clear off my desk, file all my weird miscellaneous crap away, and create a creating space.

I’ll let you know how it goes …