So, I’ve been doing some thinking.
See, I am a woman who has all these grand plans, and is easily sidetracked and discouraged from them. It’s a terrible bind, to want such wonderful gifts, and never follow-through or succeed. So, I’ve been thinking.
I was wondering what it might be like to fulfill my dreams. What would feel like to succeed at something I want with my whole heart? Could I even do it? Could I stand to have that much good feeling?
It’s actually a mostly terrifying thought.
I’m watching this whole tribe of ants coming in through a hole in the window frame of the cafe, carrying little bits of someone’s pastry up a vertical bench to their colony. It’s actually an interesting (albeit unfortunately appropriate) visual metaphor. Because it takes one ant five minutes to carry a crumb, and yet he never gives up. Trudging and sniffing and sliding it’s way up the steep face, it reminds me that I have been living my life trying to carry the whole pastry, instead of realizing that it might be easier one crumb at a time.
I know, counter-intuitive. But really, look at it. I could be doing one thing a day toward my dreams, instead of trying to do them all at once and panicking and then not doing anything. No dreams come true when you’re freaking out about success.
So that’s what I’ve been thinking about. It’s a good thing to ponder. Now, if only I can remember it when I’m really scared … That’s the key.
I know what you mean, dear Sarah. One thing I’ve been noticing for myself is that, when I start to feel fear or doubt, the best thing I can do for myself in that very moment is to take one small action. For me that usually means picking up my paint brush or uploading something on Etsy or sending an email to a potential client or whatever…just something. Something small. Then all those small actions will hopefully lead up to that larger thing that I have been hoping for with all my heart.
I’ve yet to even come close to existing within the “safe zone” of my dreams. I don’t know when or if I’ll ever get there. But the best thing I know how to do right now is just keep going in small ways, in ways that bring me even the tiniest feeling of satisfaction.
I can’t help but think that you are well on your way…just by knowing that this is going on inside of you. I think that awareness is a true sign that progress has already been made.
Much love and good fortune to you!
j.